Waste Words

The English language has been polluted by foreign influences, and those of idiots, morons, slang-slinging savages and pseudo-intellectual do-gooders. The language of Shakespeare, in all its beauty and majesty, is in danger. Here are some examples. 

 

Vis-à-vis

The actor Burt Reynolds says he hates the word vis-à-vis.

 

Never use it in his presence or he’ll hit ya.’ I agree. This word sounds so French it practically has the Eiffel Tower dangling from it. Of all the idiotic words invented by whom? It means, “Compared with, in relation to.” How about just using those words. Aren’t they good enough? Now I like the French, especially after they opposed Bush’s obscene war in Iraq, but I don’t love them. They like Jerry Lewis, the ultimate egomaniac. I used to like Jerry back when he was with Dean and he was funny. I like him a little more now that he’s old and puffy-looking, but oh, we’re getting off track aren’t we?

 

Nexus

The ultimate buzzword of political bureaucrat morons. They love this one. It means, “a connection or link, or series of connected groups.” Can’t you just say, “This one is like that?” When you hear an elected official use the word “nexus,” look at the shape of his head. You can tell he’s not very bright.

 

Recidivism

Oh, isn’t that special? This one means, “a tendency (not a bald fact…just a tendency) to lapse into former conduct,” like criminal activity. Use this one while making a speech at a Lion’s Club luncheon, and watch people fall off their chairs snoring.

 

 

 

Sanguine

This means “of the color of blood, or cheerful, optimistic.” Don’t you just love words that can have two entirely different meanings, and don’t do a good job either way? This was invented by a guy who thinks the more words the better, or the more complicated the better. It has an oozing, wimpy, unpleasant runny sound to it, like what happens when you go to the bathroom after drinking the water in Mexico.

 

Terpsichorean

One of my all-time favorites. Means “a dancer, or of dancing.” Well! La-di-dah! All that for a dance? I’m going to a piano bar and accost some young lady. Hey baby! Are you a terpsichorean? How about you and me have us some whimsical terpsichorean? This is worse than using the word “ain’t.” At least I can understand what “ain’t” means.

 

Adipose

Means “relating to animal fat, or fatty.” I’m sorry, but if you’re fat…. you’re fat, not “adiposy.”

 

Concubine

This is a loose woman who sleeps around, but for some reason it makes you think of somebody inside an Arab tent in the desert.

 

It’s a waste word coined by sexist male pigs who enjoy demeaning women. I mean, we already have enough words more to the point like whore, slut, and bitch. Men don’t have anywhere near the same number of bad words for their sexual misconduct.

 

Effluvium

A Latin-sounding word that looks like it should be carved in marble atop a Roman ruin, but which means a “usually invisible emanation, often foul or harmful.” Huh? So instead of saying, “I can’t see it but it smells like crap,” you say….”Say! Isn’t that effluvium I smell?”

 

Subtend 

I thought this was a ship that fuels a submarine at sea, but it means “to be opposite and to delimit.” Delimit? Delimit? Is this inner city speak for “take it, to de limit, one more time?”

 

Perspicuous

What a better way to end than with a word that means, “clearly expressed, easy to understand,” which it isn’t, and is not.

 

I could go on and on. I recommend we find the descendants of the men who invented these words, and confine them without legal representation to the Arab prison at Guantanemo, Cuba.

 

 

 



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