Too Much

Life is too much.

I can’t believe it.

Life is a series of petty humiliations, punctuated by an occasional few and far-between “quality moments.”

I can’t believe the way the world’s turned out. We’ve got this gnome in the White House who launches an invasion, gets us in a disastrous mess, fails to prove any of the justifications for it, and gets most of the people to buy it anyway.

Now, we have a German weight  lifter running for governor, an alleged actor who’s never turned in a performance while making teen exploitation blow-‘em-away movies, who can’t even speak proper English.

On TV, a chick is eating worms on a desert island reality show.

The next thing you’ll hear is that a raccoon has been declared the Pope.

Every day I get spam ads on my e-mail for penis enlargement. Who would have thought it possible?

Penis enlargement.

Do they know something I don’t?

What’s up (excuse the pun) with that?

As if you didn’t have enough trouble, bills circling you like sharks, a wife who takes you for granted, a sassy kid with a friend who’s a bad influence, a boss who sets impossible quotas, a car on its last legs, relatives who because you’re an in-law treat you like you’re a lamp shade (irrelevant), pet dogs chewing your front door, a strange ache you never had before in your back, a growing fondness for alcohol……on and on.

As if that wasn’t enough, now, penis enlargement.

The ad says, “Did you know that 89 percent of women say they’re unsatisfied after sex?”

I’ve lived my whole life until now without knowing that. Put the entire burden on me. Who’s had sex lately anyway?

“Did you know,” the ad continues, “that 97 percent of men have an angioplaticalbiomorphetic muscle (the penis muscle) that is weak and incapable of maintaining intercourse over one-and-a-half minutes?”

One–and-a-half minutes? That long? That’s pretty good. What’s wrong with that? Part of the reason for it is reproduction, you know, not just a psychological Disneyland.

“Add three inches to your length,” the ad claims. “Build up your penis muscle.”

I’m getting angry with this. I’m not going to read any more. But I nevertheless have to envision a kit for only $49.95 (while the offer lasts), which includes a tiny, tiny barbell to build up the P muscle.

Does Arnold get these e-mails? Bush? They do it mostly to the country, not women.

I really appreciate this. Now, the next time I go into the bathroom, to take my shower, the only time I truly find peace, shut away from the world and its problems with warm water coursing down me, I’m going to look down…… and wonder. Am I all I could be?

Thanks for the uncertainty.

One way the plastic society keeps slobs like me who pay for it off balance (keeps us paying) is to point out shortcomings.



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