The Only Thing I Have to Fear is Me

I was going to go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting but I couldn’t get a designated (sober) driver to take me to the meeting.
That’s the story of my life, opportunities that are never taken because when they happen I’m never there.
Let’s go back to the beginning. I was a 12-year-old and I was swimming in a pool with Tim Abbott and I was swimming face down in the water and my swim trunks ripped and Tim Abbott’s mother standing at poolside saw my naked butt. I was humiliated and red-faced and ran from the pool and why should I?—–I had shown her my best side.
She must have done something to deserve seeing that. It was symbolic in a way. It told us all a lot about life.
I’m going to buy myself a MemoryTag card and tell myself I’m okay despite what everybody else thinks. https://memorytag.cards/collections/congratulations
Take my wife for example. No I really mean it take her. No kidding I really love my wife despite the fact she’s had enough time now to see what she really got instead of the person that I never was that I sold her in the beginning that I was—-talented, successful.
I’m able to convince her that had I been successful I would only have lusted after other women and we would be divorced and so true love won out because of adversity. In other words, if you want a marriage that lasts, marry a loser.
What is a winner? Money and material possessions, I’m above that.
By the way:
Marriage is kind of like temporary diarrhea; it starts out by running really smoothly at first and then hardens over time into resistance requiring pressure.
Marriage is where you’ve done something wrong and your wife hasn’t spoken to you for a week and you think we’ve really been getting along lately.
Take my job. You should take my job. I’ve gone from one job disaster to the next. I’ve had so many bad jobs that have ended disastrously when I lose one of them; I replace it with another bad job. When you look up coward in the dictionary you see a picture of one of my former bosses, and when you look up assho’e in the dictionary you see another.
This is the kind of jobs I’ve had. One time I interviewed for a job. The boss looked up from my resume and said “It’s clear from this you’re a liar, a cheat, a thief and a coward——-you should do well here.”
I’ve found a way to consistently work at jobs that are not worthy of me but I have to work at because there are no jobs available worthy of me. If it’s petty, malicious, if it’s cheating a customer because the boss who is a crook set a sales goal way too high for me based on his own greed that I’ll never make unless I lie and cheat the customer into buying more than they need by making false promises to fool them into buying—–I’ve got no choice I’ve got bills I have to pay next month that are in the mail now—– SO I’LL DO IT!
It’s called SURVIVAL!
Hey I’d like to be a nice guy, but do I have a choice? I probably do but I don’t know what it is and if I did know I would not be the self-victimized victim that I am. I mean I’m naïve. I’m so naïve that ….I used to believe that old saying that if you try and work hard and believe you can become anything you want to….I did all that and look what I became.
I’m a nice guy I talk to God a lot. I talk to him all the time even though I don’t believe in church, church rules and rituals (I’ve always rejected conformity), or most of what you read in the Old Testament because if that’s the truth—- then I’m in real trouble. It’s too late to turn back now—-After all—You can’t make monthly payments to save your soul on an installment plan after a lifetime of selfishness.
I mean I don’t think God is going to send the president to hell for being selfish—- so it must be okay for me.
I hope it is.
If God is really God he must be Chinese because he made everything.
The best I can do is hope, that the guys who wrote the Old Testament meant it as a practical joke to scare people.
In some ways I’m a very religious person. For example I constantly ask God, “Why are you doing this to me?” Maybe I shouldn’t blame God, but if not, who can I blame? Myself? That’s no fun.
Besides, God might answer back, “Why should I blame you? Why not?”
I really am a very religious person in an agnostic sort of way. I mean we all need help and if God is God, there must be a reason that everything I do I wind up saying, “This wouldn’t happen to anybody but me.”
I’m the kind of person who can make the most simple thing look difficult. For example I have the skill to trip over a flat service.
My lack of education is only surpassed by my moral bankruptcy.
I need someone to send me a MemoryTag card to cheer me up and make me feel if not worthwhile than at least a fact of life. It can be a birthday card even though it’s not my birthday, graduation card though I haven’t graduated lately, get well card (I’ve got a sick mind), congratulations card for being created by God, but hopefully (for him) not in his image, a weird card, funny card, even an insult card. https://memorytag.cards/man



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