Racists Can Switch Wording

I would like to see in 2011 the right-wing racists in the country including those at FOX News stop using the usual racist epithets under their breath and in the secret corporate boardrooms where they hatch their plots. You know, they want to call Obama the “N” word, but they don’t dare do it on the air.

Instead, they call him that while on the toilet or in the shower or when in a meeting with a few cronies they can trust (off the record).

Here’s what I would like to see in 2011. All you racists at FOX, you can use racist slurs, but change the words to a more pleasant cast. These you can use on the air to unfairly label people for political gain. And here’s what I want you to do. I want you to label EVERYBODY, not just a few groups you don’t like. Include everyone. That way you can become an equal opportunity offender.

In other words, we can still insult each other and not be so harsh about it.

For example, instead of calling an African American the “N” word, a word that originally referred in Latin to the color black. Instead, you could yell, “Hey you, the tanned fellow in the third row!”

What’s harsh about that? “Fellow” is a pleasant word. “Tanned.” Everybody wants a healthy looking tan. Millions go to Hawaii to get one. If tanning isn’t desirable, why are there so many tanning parlors?

Even though your intent may have been hostile, you have couched the words in a more benign tenor, two or more word combinations free of any previous negative taint.

In fairness, an African American person should be able to call you “Whitey!” (Named after a character on the old Leave it to Beaver TV show).

Or, an African American could simply yell, “Hey you, luminous one! Yeah you, the guy who practically glows in the dark (because he’s so white).”


Luminous makes you sound special. Like you’re effervescent.
It’s wrong, but hate is as American as apple pie. Our history is founded on it. We have a long history of hate. It never was a case of, “United We Stand.” Human nature being what it is, everybody hates somebody. Republicans hate Democrats. Protestants hate Catholics. Visa versa. Some people are unkind to practitioners of the Hebrew faith. And on and on.

Okay, maybe hate is a little too strong. Irritated. That’s it. You’re irritated by somebody. See? By changing “hate” to “irritated,” like we changed our racial slurs, it sounds less cruel, more civilized.

We can all co-exist if all I do is irritate you.

Don’t call an Asian person the C word, Ch’nk (racist slang term meaning Chinese). That’s insulting. Instead yell, “Hey Mister Engineering Department at Berkley!” The Engineering Department at UC Berkley has a high number of Asian students. You’ve praised his intelligence because you have to be smart to be an engineer. He’s proud of his career choice.

You accomplished two things. You satisfied your need to label him, call attention to him as a member of a group separate from your own. If you’re a conservative you really feel a compulsion to do this. But you did it in a more kindly way.

Don’t call an Irishman a “drunken Mick!” Call him a “wayward son of Erin.”

Don’t call a Latino the opening S word from spic-and-span. I mean, what’s wrong with being clean after all? Say, “Hey, person of Castellan-Aztec origins!” Who wouldn’t be proud of that kind of a proud heritage after all?

You might yell at an Eskimo, “hey, how’s the dog sled team?”

Don’t call a gay person the F word (it used to mean a cigarette). That’s cruel. Instead yell, “hey you over there with the different orientation!”

You can be mean and nice both.

Another technique is to use incomprehensible wording that makes no sense at all. For example. You might yell at a person who is a member of a group you don’t like. “hey, you, the one who bore his faculties so meek, has been so mild in his office that his virtues cry like angels” (this is a quote from Macbeth). You mean sarcasm, but the recipient of your scorn doesn’t know this. He’s smiling. So you’re both happy.

Or, you can just cuss him out in a foreign language he doesn’t understand. But smile when you do it.

Copyright 2011 SammonSays.com

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