Pros and Cons of Cloning

Cloning might soon resurrect a wife who died of cancer, a beloved dog, or an extinct Woolly Mammoth (a hit at your local zoo).

Sounds reasonable, even desirable. But one person’s pro concerning cloning, could be others’ cons. Duality, that’s the nature of cloning.

A woman could give birth to a clone of herself, a female child, who grows into an exact duplicate of the mother. Eventually, the lady’s husband is confronted with a young woman looking exactly like the woman he fell in love with and married 20 years before.

The father could then abandon his tired, used-up old model (wife), for a chick with less mileage.

It wouldn’t automatically be considered incest, because the offspring could be construed just as much the mother’s sister, as her daughter.

Let’s say the father beats the mother, and deserts her, leaving her with a clone son that looks exactly like the father. The woman then beats the hell out of the kid, the object of her displaced hatred, to get even. Child abuse goes up.

The mob, the underworld, will no doubt use cloning. You could burglarize a place in Los Angeles, while your clone, your perfect double, appeared in Cleveland at the very same moment at a party, in front of hundreds of people. You have the perfect alibi. If you’re a crook, that’s a pro, if you’re the victim…..a con (get it!…con…as in criminal).

Lesbian couples could give birth with no male involved. Think of it gals, those of you who hate men. You wouldn’t need them (men) anymore for anything. You could be a true Amazon.

The same, in opposite, for gay men.

This would remove a down-side to gay marriage. What a wonderful development for a segmenting, tribalized, non-extended family.

There’s one potential problem. Preliminary studies indicate that cloned offspring of gay couples after the age of 12 have an overwhelming urge to favor the politically fundamentalist right-wing.

Jack Barker, a 36-year-old marketing specialist for a major conglomerate, wholeheartedly endorsed cloning. “I don’t need a partner,” Barker said. “I can still have a child. A clone would be the perfect child because I know what I’m getting.”

That’s fine Jack! But what if you’re ugly as spider poop, and your clone looks like you? He’ll surely resent you for it.

Barker added he’d like to improve on his offspring copy of himself by having a kid who didn’t suffer from the allergies he did.

Isn’t that peachy! Jack, I love ya’. The way you clinically give no thought at all to the nurturing aspects of motherhood. How robotic.

There are other pro and cons to cloning. According to experts, approximately 98 percent of embryos never take, or die during gestation or soon after birth. Clones can be twice as big as normal babies at birth (good for Little League baseball).

Also, clones have abnormally large organs (not necessarily bad depending on which organ).

The ultimate goal for the future will be to invent a human with both male and female sex organs “built-in,” who can reproduce like a worm. Instead of traditional romance, flowers and candy at the door on a blind date, you could skip the formalities. Think of the money saved by paying for only one meal at a restaurant.

You wouldn’t have to fish for conversation and nervously break the ice by asking your date, “it was a nice day today, wasn’t it?”

Your date already knows

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