It Better be Perking

One of my more interesting acquaintances was a coffee-holic, office secretary, single, with a child, who was also a caffeine addict. All day she drank coffee, thermos-fulls of it. She was one of those driven, nervous, type-A lunatic workaholics.

As the day wore on, she would call her child on the phone, an at-home-alone latchkey kid. Holding two files in her hands, she would trap the phone in the crook of her neck, and admonish the child.

“Lou Anne Michele,” she would angrily say. “Have you got my coffee ready? You know what we talked about. No. Not the instant.”

She would hang up and call back a half hour later.

“Lou Anne Michele. Is the coffee on? I’m almost out the door. What do you mean it’s not on? It better be perking. You’re watching TV? Now listen Lou Anne Michele—-you get that coffee on. I’m coming home. If I come home and that coffee’s not made, you’re going to be sorry. You what? You’ll have it made by then. You bet you will.”

This was a daily ritual.

“I’m talking about the special blend, flavor roasted, Acme Coffee with creamer additive. How many times have I told you which kind to make? Lou Anne Michele! Don’t you talk back to me.”

People wonder why some kids have no respect for anything. The woman thinks she can be a remote control, full-time set of parents. She has to work to survive, right?

If you don’t have time for ‘em, don’t have them.

“Lou Anne Michele! I’m on my way to the car. Do you understand? The coffee is not on? If you don’t have that coffee on, the coffee won’t be piping hot when I walk in the door. Don’t you dare put that phone down.”

Lou Anne Michele, when she isn’t making coffee, is getting her values not from parents, but from television, a paradise for liberal thought-policing.

Remember back when then-Vice President Dan Quayle was mocked and called stupid by liberal media elitists (including the producers of television’s Murphy Brown), because he suggested that Hollywood was glamorizing single parenthood as something desirable, cute, hip?

Quayle’s remarks generated a firestorm of insults and threats from single, full-time-working mothers, some of them feminists who maintained that a single parent could do just as good a job as two, despite every study which shows evidence to the contrary.

“He (Quayle) in effect called my son a bastard,” one woman complained bitterly. “I’m so angry.”

I know this is politically incorrect and will make people mad, but according to Webster’s Dictionary, her son is a bastard—born out of wedlock.

Negative words like “bastard” were coined centuries ago for a purpose, to put a stigma on illegitimacy, so that people would marry and weave a societal fabric that might hold together.



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