I’m Frugal

I don’t care for that term.
Maybe in the same way a bald man doesn’t like the word bald.
Cheap is what a baby chicken does. I’m frugal. I’m Scotch.
Am I cheap because I couldn’t afford a birthday gift this year? Spending money you don’t have is foolish. My wife got a cupcake with a single candle. That’s good enough. No card though. Those cost $7 now, a few mindless quips on a piece of paper.
I prefer to go to the supermarket every day and spend just a little bit, rather than go once a week and spend much more. Is this cheap?
Am I cheap because I hang onto clothing and really wide ties from the 1960s? If you wait long enough, they come back in style, called “Retro.”
I’ve never bought a new car—–not once. I’ve always had relatives who gave me their car when they died. But now I’m out of relatives. What am I gonna do for another car?
I wear the same underwear even though the bottom has rotted away, and it’s now a loincloth. I drink imported wine from Chile that is never more than $2 a bottle. When I run out of spaghetti sauce, I use ketchup.
Is this cheap?
I can show you how to get the last ounce of dish wash soap out of the top nozzle of the bottle. I have old shirts with underarm stains and rather than buy a new shirt, I just keep my arms down close at my sides.
That’s ingenuity.
Let me explain. Being frugal means instead of feeling bad about not rolling in dough, you put a positive spin on things; you defy a system where you’re supposed to feel guilty if you don’t have money to burn.
Guilt sucks.
For example, I have a cracked window that I never had fixed. I securely taped the crack. Now, I have a window that if an earthquake happens, the window will wobble (at the crack) and not break. The window is earthquake-proofed. See! Positive spin.
Rather than buy a plant at the store, I wait until my neighbor leaves on vacation and take a cutting off his plant (pruning is good for it). I never take all the plant, and I carefully fill in the hole before the neighbor comes back.
Is that cheap?
I eat salads with straight vinegar. Oil and dressings cost money and are high in calories, salt and pepper too.
The inside door handle on the passenger side of my car broke, and rather than fix it, I just roll down the window, reach out and open the door from the outside.
I’ve never picked up a tab at dinner with guests. I’m an expert at slowly and painfully getting my wallet like I’m going to pick up the tab, but let others do it. They always do.
C’mon! This isn’t cheap. This is an art form.

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