How to Throw a Three-Way Orgy if You’re Shy

Everyone should experience everything, especially when you’re young and single, or even if you’re married and miserable. Life only goes by once. Hey! But when you’re going through your selfish period, you learn to say me me me ME! I want all of it!

       I want to drive a fast car. I want to explore the Himalayas. I want to be the kind of man women admire.

       But you’re not, are you? No.

       You’re the kind of little sheepish dweeb who holds down a little job, and sucks up to a little petty boss who’s a waste of skin. You go to your little meaningless job, and try and save your little inferior pay, and go home and watch your little second-hand TV, and make your little pathetic tasteless bland bachelor dinner, and cry yourself to sleep.

 

 

       Then, next week, you do it all over again.

       You’re nothing! So why should Brad Pitt get all the girls? He’s just a skinny little 160-pound punk who didn’t have the build to play Achilles. Because he flaunts what you don’t.

       You need to break out. To have some fun. I can show you how to have a lifetime experience very few men have had. A climbing of a figurative Mt. Everest as it were.

       How to satisfy two consenting adult females in an act of romantic rapture.

       Even if you’re shy. A dweeb.

       Now, I don’t want any right wing nut claiming I’m evil because I’m promoting promiscuity. The hypocrites. Every single one of them has had an illicit affair.

       First of all, you have to convince yourself you can do it. Watch John Wayne movies. You have to convince yourself you’re a man of action. Not just all talk, the kind of man women despise.

       Next, go to a supermarket and hang out in the produce section. This is where you meet women, better than any bar. All that squeezing of fruit. Very tactile. Look for one who’s squeezing seductively, and who doesn’t have a ring on her finger.

 

 

       I know you’re shy, a dweeb. I know this is killing you. But what is the alternative, another night watching American Idol? What’s the worst that can happen? She doesn’t know you.

       You must dress like you are successful. Wear a dinner jacket, and an ascot.

 

 

       Go up and say in your best French accent, “excuse-a-mwaa, have you seen my Olympic skiing medal? I seem to have lost it.”

       She’ll say she hasn’t seen it. Then, move close and look into her eyes like Dracula (watch a Dracula movie first), and say, “would you like me to help you select Ze fruit?” Look into her eyes. Breathe suggestively.

       If she says “go to hell,” or “get away from me,” do not wrap your tail between your legs and slink away like a whipped dog like you’ve done all your miserable life. You must learn to fall on a grenade. Abandon the urge you have developed to be subservient. You’ve always been, to your mother, to your boss. But not now.

       Just say in a French accent, “eet Iz your loss, Mon-cher-ree,” and move on.

       Try the same technique on another woman. Five may turn you down. But one won’t. It’s like throwing spaghetti off a wall. Something is bound to stick. Persistence is the key.

       Now, you’re almost there.

       The next step, is go to libraries. Everyone knows that female librarians are often single spinsters who have enormous frustrated sexual appetites. After all, they hang around filing books all day. That’s all they do. But they read books too, in particular, hot sexual books like Tropic of Capricorn by Henry Miller.

 

 

       They’re primed and ready.

       Go to the book checkout area wearing a suit that looks like you’re a writer, a sweater with leather patches on the elbows. Have a pipe in your mouth. Talk, once again, breathing heavily and lustily, about the books you’ve written after you were tutored by Ernest Hemingway.

       Bring yourself close to the librarian, your mouth next to hers. Sniff in….a lusty breath.

       Now, I know you’re shy, and you hate this, but hey, it worked for the produce lady.

       Say slowly, “how would you like to explore, with me, the computerized……Dewey Decimal…..System?”

       She won’t be listening to your words. She’ll be breathing faster.

       YOU’VE DONE IT! You’ve got two women coming over for a date at the same time. You’re at the base of Everest with your climbing gear.

 

 

       In the next installment, I’ll show you how to turn what could be a catastrophe, into a meteor shower of three-way ménage-a-trios ecstasy.

       This is only a small part of the advice I give in my new CD and accompanying booklet, “You Can Become a Man For all Sexual Seasons, and Rise to the Occasion.”

       I actually show you how to do it, what has worked for me, based on personal experience and trial and error. Order now, $79.95 while supplies last.



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