Fake Vets

Fake Vets

I think if I see actor Tom Hanks appear one more time on television as a spokesman for World War II veterans, I’m gonna puke.

Okay, so Saving Private Ryan was a good movie. I’m sure Hanks is well-intended, a nice guy and a talented actor. But his struggle to make it in Hollywood represents the opposite of what military service entails.

Last Veteran’s Day, we were treated to the spectacle of Hanks and Bill Clinton, a notorious draft dodger, helping an elderly lady veteran to her chair during the observances. I had to run to the bathroom before I got sick. That little old lady has got more guts than the two of them put together.

I don’t have anything personal against either man. Clinton’s out of office. But why do we have a spokesman for veterans who’s never served? You’ll never get rich, digging a ditch (serving in the military). I don’t believe Hanks or Clinton ever deviated once from thinking of career first, number one, numero uno.

It’s everybody’s right to pursue a career and get rich.

And yet, making one movie qualifies Hanks to be a spokesman. I’ll admit, starring in a movie about World War II can be dangerous. Watch out. You might trip over the camera equipment.

You may be saying, Sammon’s just jealous. You’re damn right I am! Why can’t I be a spokesman for vets? I served five years of my life, attaining the exalted rank of corporal. At one point, I made the stupendous sum of $150 a month, plus $75 combat pay.

I could be the unknown spokesman.

Hanks probably received fifteen million for his on-screen heroics.

Where’s Audie Murphy when you need him? In case you tecky yuppies out there don’t know, Murphy was an actor like Hanks, but unlike Private Ryan, was a real vet, the most decorated soldier of World War II. Today, we not only have imitation vegetables grown with hormones, we get fake vets. I haven’t been this upset since Sylvester Stalone portrayed himself single-handedly winning the Vietnam War (Rambo).

I know why I can’t be a spokesman. I’m not a famous big shot with a lot of money. It’s that simple. Granted, I’d look stiffer, older, and more awkward on camera than Hanks does. Even Hanks is stiffer than he usually is in these TV spots because he has to appear solemn and respectful.

Praising the heroism of World War II vets is fine. If it wasn’t for their sacrifice, guys like Hanks and Clinton and millions of others would never of had the luxury of thinking of their own self-interest first.

2 Responses to “Fake Vets”

  1. richard rici says:

    I am trying to verify if I am correct in my beliefs. I am a Vietnam Vet. Did Stallone skip the country in any manner to avoid service??

  2. John Sammon says:

    Stallone, like John Wayne, avoided military service, attending a music school in Switzerland during the height of the Vietnam War.

    I’m not sure if he had a draft deferment, but my take is that like Wayne, while he didn’t do anything illegal to stay out, he didn’t try to join either.

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