Dueling Non Sequiturs

Two men who habitually engage in the mind poop of using non sequiturs have a discussion. For those of you who seldom read, a non sequitur is a remark, a nonsensical aside, that has no relation to the preceding comments made during a discussion.

 

       I think it’s just a case that fat people have a lower sense of self esteem. Of course, I wouldn’t know personally.

       Why wouldn’t you?

       Why wouldn’t I what?

       Know personally?

       I wouldn’t know personally. I just meant that I’ve got a pretty good idea. That’s just about as good as knowing personally. All things being equal.

       But they aren’t.

       What?

       Equal.

       What do you mean?

       All things are not equal.

       I know.

       Then, why did you say they are?

       What?

       Why did you say all things are equal?

       Did I say that?

       Yes you did.

       Well. It just means, that even though things aren’t all really equal, that they’re still pretty much predictable, in that you can count on them most of the time.

       That’s what you meant?

       That’s what I said.

       Do you say what you mean?

       No, I mean what I say.

       Oh. Okay. Well anyway. It all depends on your outlook. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you can have that opinion.

       Why would I get you wrong?

       What?

       You assume that I would get you wrong?

       I never said that.

       Then why did you?

       What?

       Say it.

       I did?

       Yes. And how could you possibly GET ME WRONG? If I’m wrong, I have to do that myself. Be wrong. You can’t get me to be wrong. I have to do that for myself.

       You have a point.

       You bet I do. I mean, one thing you’ll learn about me, is that I don’t fool around. I get to the point. I’m a man’s man. I kid you not.

       You’re gay?

       What?

       You said you’re gay?

       I did?

       You said you’re a man’s man.

       I didn’t mean that.

       You also said you weren’t kidding me. Why do you have to tell me you aren’t, if you’re not?

       What?

       Kidding me.

       I never kid. And I’m not gay. I’m a straight shooter.

       What does your marksmanship with a rifle have to do with your sexual preference and your ability to deceive?

       What are you talking about?

       You said you’re a straight shooter.

       I don’t have to take this from you.

       Why tell me?

       What?

       We both know you don’t have to.

       What?

       Take this. But what is this?

       You know what I think?

       How can I know what you think? Unless you tell me?

       I think you’re one of those bleeding hearts who have to psychoanalyze everything. (Sarcastically) You know what they say?

       I have some questions.

       Yes?

       I can’t have a bleeding heart, otherwise, I’d be in the hospital. And, who are they?

       They?

       You said, you know what they say. I don’t know what they say, and who are they? You want to know something?

       Yes.

       I can’t deal with people like you.

       Then it’s okay.

       Why?

       You can’t deal with people like me. But in fact, they’re not me. So, you can’t deal with them, but it’s possible, you can still deal with me.

       Why don’t you go (obscenity deleted) F…yourself.

       That’s impossible.



Leave a Reply