Boy Issues

One of the insults that for some reason has largely disappeared from the American lexicon is the use of the word “boy,” to denigrate someone’s masculinity.

In the old days, if someone called you “boy,” you were supposed to respond with a hostile, “don’t call me boy!”

That shows you how stupid stupidity can be, because “boy” has been, and still remains, a highly favorable term.

I insist you call me “boy.”

I mean, women, love boys. What was it about Jack Kennedy that made women rip their clothes off and throw themselves on his bed (or in his closet in the White House) besides his charm, power and money?

He was a boy. Kennedy was very boyish looking. He looked like Howdy Doodie. This was an aphrodisiac to women.

You may be a man’s man, a stern, tough, swaggering he-man who can bend a nail with his teeth, drink ‘em under the table (and I’m talking straight shots), part the hair on a rabbit at 3,070 yards with a high-powered rifle, ruthlessly force competing business executives out of their jobs, engage in insider trading, or corner the stock market.

You won’t get the girl.


Instead, women want a man who has boyish hair (with bangs), who’s funny and witty in an almost sort of feminine way, and who looks cute like Robert Redford. In fact, most of the world’s most glamorous and desirable men (from a woman’s point of view), not only look boyish, but would look gorgeous if you put them in a wig and a red satin prom dress.

Whether this is a latent desire among many women to flirt with a lesbian relationship is unknown. But my gut reaction is, if you want to be popular with the ladies, act a little more feminine.

I once took a woman to the movies on a date, a big mistake since every Don Juan knows you don’t take a woman you’re interested in to the movies. She’ll wind up looking at the movie star on the screen instead of you.

This was a Robert Redford movie.

“Gee I wish I could do that,” I self-depreciatingly joked, watching Redford’s on-screen heroics.

“You’re no Robert Redford,” she agreed, without taking her eyes off the screen, as though in a trance.

She reduced me to impotence. But she was right. This was a boy issue.

Redford was and still is—-cute.

It’s funny. If you told a woman your goal is to be cute, she’d be disgusted. But if you’re good at acting it, she’ll be in your arms.

Most men, if they want to play football, at least have the sense to try and learn the basic rules. But they think they can pursue women without knowing what it is women want. I had a friend who thought weight lifting would make him attractive to chicks. He built his arms until they were as thick as the legs on a rhino.

Women, especially pretty ones, find big muscles repellent.

Another boy issue. If you want to be popular, be thin, like a boy.

Tarzan should be updated to have Jane run off with Boy.

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