There’s something about me that really angers people. A nice guy like me. Maybe it’s because I’m so open, vulnerable, intelligent, handsome. I don’t know. It’s uncanny how I have this innocent ability to infuriate. If I could just channel it, find a way to make money off...

All your life have you been burdened with an overwhelming sexual desire? That means you want to be doing it twenty-four hours a day. Why? Why were you cursed with this? You’re not happy. Who would be. Since you can’t get enough (sex), there’s never enough. This has interfered with your...

We are interviewing Loren C. Vandersnarff, the world’s longest surviving severed head. Mr. Vandersnarff, welcome to our Sammonsays studio. Loren – Thank you John. Sammonsays – How did you come to be the world’s longest living severed head? Loren – It was in a farming accident, in Buel, Idaho....

I am the world’s biggest…..albino Pigmy. You didn’t know did you? The Pigmies don’t either. They don’t like the word Pigmy. Today, they go by the name “Baka.” Three times I have applied for membership to the tribe, and three times I have been ignored, after completing...

Click on the link below to see why Ebenezer Scrooge got a bad rap when he was just a good conservative.

(A man comes into an office who has a New York accent, pronouncing mister like mistah). Okay, this should be easy. What’s your name? I’m Mista’ Fyed. You’re what? I’m Mista’ Fyed. You’re mystified? About what? What do you mean about what? Why are you mystified? Why am I Mista’ Fyed? Yes? Because...

The rampant growth of slobism worldwide is as distressing as it is disappointing, and disproves Darwin’s theory of evolution that things evolve for the better and more sophisticated. In short. Slobs are taking over. Think I’m wrong. Book an airline flight. Go ahead. I dare ya’. Not...

Hosni Mubarak in Cairo receives a call from Obama. Obama – Hosni Mubarak – Yes Obama – This is President Obama. I’ve been calling for an hour. Where were you? Mubarak – In my bedroom. I can’t bear to watch. Obama – Why aren’t you establishing control? Are you following events? Mubarak...

It depends on who you ask. Like the Bible, in can be interpreted in different ways. Whether something constitutes a date while holding a phone receiver depends on what you consider to be sex, a date, and most importantly, what you’re doing with your other hand while you’re holding the phone. If you...