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2004 Column Archives Last Updated: Apr 22nd, 2006 - 16:33:07


Pro and Cons of Genetic Engineering
By John Sammon
Jan 17, 2004

columnist sammon

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Don’t you love it when scientists just go ahead and do something that will radically impact your life, and you have no say in it. We elect a bozo to sit in the White House and pass laws, but we can’t even vote on something for example that will cause a dramatic change in the quality of our drinking water.

That’s what genetic engineering is all about.

Genetic engineering is the altering of a plant (or organism) by sewing part of another plant onto it----thus changing the first plant’s DNA, or gene blueprint. In other words, if I cross a redwood tree with a sunflower, I might get a reddish, wooden, five-hundred-foot-tall sunflower.

The alleged purpose of genetic engineering is to increase the food value of plants, or to make them more resistant to insects or chemicals. About 70 percent of the foods on your grocery store shelf have been genetically tampered with without your knowledge.

There are pro and cons.

A con is that the side effects of gene changing (there are always side effects to everything) have never been studied. What are you gonna do when you’ve been eating the same brand of carrots for five weeks and your right ear overnight swells twice the size of your other ear? Don’t blame the Mexican laborer who picked the carrot.

On the other hand, what if we could design a carrot that would dramatically increase the size of a sexual organ. That could be a pro.

Of course, another pro would be that we could have more carrots than we’ve ever had before. We could ship excess cheap carrots to poor starving countries and cause the swelling of their right ears.

Another pro (or con if you’re on the receiving end), is that food could become a weapon, like biological or chemical weapons, the ultimate food fight. We could deliberately ship genetically altered food with harmful side effects to countries we don’t like, France for example. A tomatoe in your salad could become a weapon of mass destruction.

Genetic engineering also might result in herbicide-resistant weeds, a pro or con depending on whether you like weeds (I depend on them to cover my lawn).

Think of the potential if we crossed DNA from Michael Jackson to that of a trout. You’d get a small, weird, lighter-skinned opportunistic fish that jumps around a lot. Or an extinct mastodon bone with a banana. A gigantic, furry fruit with an ivory tusk.

The possibilities are endless. Of course, a total breakdown of the natural food chain is possible (a con), but scientists assure us not to worry. They have a long history of accurately predicting the after-results of their experiments, from Dr. Frankenstein, to Chernobyl, to DDT.

That definitely qualifies as a con.

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2004 Column Archives
Columns at a Glance
Poker Dreck
Naive Boytoy
Impotence Pros and Cons
Little Things
Adios Thanksgiving
Election Pro and Cons
Waste Words
Pros and Cons of a Hermaphrodite
God Save the Queen
Pros and Cons of Hip Hop
Pros and Cons of String Theory
Golden Gate Gripes
Governor Muscles In
Love to Hate
Blonde Mechanics
Solitude and Cell Phones
Start With the Top
The Fourth of What?
Finding Fish Tank Profits
Pros and Cons of Brain Fingerprinting
Contesting Wills
Harsh Words
B's of Baghdad
Flow Chart
Pros and Cons of a Woman President
Clothes Horse
Where
African American Not
Clutter House
Stupor Bowl
Pro and Cons of Dinosaur Flatulence
Pro and Cons of Astro Projection
Pro and Cons of Genetic Engineering
He's A Crock