2004 Column Archives
Governor Muscles In
By John Sammon
Aug 14, 2004, 09:38

The other day during a standoff over the California state budget, our illustrious governor referred to his political opponents as “girlie boys.”

Agreement was later reached in a compromise where as usual, Swarzenneger will borrow money to make himself look good while in office, and leave the bills coming due to his successor. By then he’ll be running for president and after that God.

Me make budget.

You’ll notice throughout this article I misspell Swarzennger. German names are impossible, plus I don’t respect the man, so I’m not going to waste the time to look it up.

Challenging someone’s sexual preference, basically calling them a “faggot,” or calling people other names, will eventually get reckless-tongued Arnold in trouble (he’ll probably call blacks jungle bunnies).

Whether the voters hold this hero accountable will be interesting to see.

Nevertheless, ridiculing someone’s sexuality is pretty funny coming from a guy who spent his entire adult life with other studs in a gym posing on a velvet platform, looking at himself in a mirror (if you're in love with yourself, this qualifies as a form of self-homosexuality. Let's say you dress up in a woman's bra and panties, and ogle yourself in the mirror. Technically, you're a self-trans-gender heterosexual).

Arnold’s heard such ribbing for years, and always cries it’s simply prejudice against his sport.

If anybody’s sexual identity could be questioned----it’s his. Standing at a mirror, wearing a leopard skin jockstrap, posing (I wear mine only on Saturday nights and sometimes to work under my slacks).

Arnold has a malady that is common to many not-very-bright people who inexplicably because of the luck of timing, the mood of society and other uncontrollable factors, achieve fame way beyond their actual achievements.

In other words, thirty years ago he would have been laughed off the political podium. Today, he’s on his way to becoming the Pope.

Arnold believes in his own myth. John Wayne did too. Sports figures and movie stars are not real heroes, but fakes concocted.

In Arnold’s case, he ineptly played this dumb character in movies targeted at and appealing to the worst impulses in teenagers (vigilantes are cool man!). He began to believe he was that fictitious person, not as a down-to-earth Clark Gable once called himself, “a lucky slob from Ohio.”

Thus, his interaction with other peoples in day-to-day life has been founded on this identity. Disagreements are potentially answered with an insult----or a threat----not a reasoned response. We can’t have that. This is like the movies. If you don’t agree with Arnold, he’ll beat you up.

We’ve really advanced as human beings in 10,000 years since cave days. It’s still who’s got the biggest (imagined) club.

Me have club.

Why can’t we have a charming, funny entertainer like Billy Crystal for governor instead of this mean-faced Teuton? Warm people come from warm countries. As a result, no further immigrants north of the 78^th Meridian should be allowed to hold high office in the country to which they have immigrated to take economic advantage.

In other words, Mexico is okay, but not Norway. And not Austria. The farther north you go, the meaner and colder the people get.

Potential immigrants from northern countries like Arnold’s can yet take heart. Because of Republican-ignored global warming, the line is moving north.