2003 Column Archives
Caligulas Horse
By John Sammon
Sep 28, 2003, 14:36

Does anyone remember Caligula, the wacko Roman emperor who, when he wasn’t chopping off people’s heads, roamed around the palace all night (an ancient case of insomnia) raving that he was a god? Caligula never quite made it, stabbed fifty times in the crotch when his family and guards became scared enough of him. He never even made number one mad Roman dictator in most people’s minds today (that honor goes to Nero).

But Caligula was prophetic in one sense without knowing it. He was so contemptuous of the weak, impotent figurehead Roman Senate that he recommended his horse to be a senator. In other words, anybody or anything can be senator.

Look at the candidates for California governor, and remember, this is the same country that produced Abraham Lincoln. Ask yourself seriously after you watched their antics at the debate--------is this the best we can do?

It’s Caligula’s horse come back to haunt us.

Minnesota has a wrestler for governor, and we may soon have a weight lifter from Deutschland. During the recent farce some exaggeratedly called a debate, the weight lifter told a woman columnist also in the race he thought she was ready to star in one of his Terminator movies. This is class. This is a gentleman. The immigrant weight lifter, whose former green card may have violated state laws, once bragged about having group sex, and made a fortune exploiting the worst in teens with blow-‘em-away movies.

You’re going to vote for him as a “family values” candidate, and because his wife is a Kennedy, aren’t you? An informed choice.

I think we should do it one better. Since we now have candidates (including the publisher of a porno magazine) running for office, whose careers fifty years ago would have branded them a disgrace, and prevented them from even thinking about running ----let’s go one better-----let’s elect criminals, including foreign immigrant criminals.

Vote for a former child molester. The molestation was a long time ago (26 years), and this man understand the needs of young people.

Vote for a convicted burglar. He understands the housing needs of Californians.

Vote for a rapist, a woman’s candidate.

Vote for a pervert. He can give voice to California’s fringe elements.

Just remember, don’t study the issues. Get all your information from one-minute TV sound bites (those of you able to speak English). We’ll eventually translate the sound bites into 350 languages to complete California’s withdrawal from the US.

Vote for an embezzler (understands the financing of small business).

Vote for an armed robber (could have an impact on gun legislation).

Vote for a tax cheat (anti big government).

In fairness, I will mention that there are a couple candidates for governor who seem human, well intended. You figure out who they are.