Martial arts is a chicken way to fight.

This will anger those of you who have raised martial arts to a pseudo-religion, a mystical discipline combining the powers of concentration with yoga-like meditation, and mumbo-jumbo-type old Chinese wise-man philosophy (where did Americans get the idea elderly Orientals are wise? I think it was the Kung Fu TV show).

The most important ingredient to martial arts whether it’s judo, taekwondo, or karate, is of course, the ability to kick somebody’s ass.

Cmon! Kicking somebody in the nuts. Kicking them when they’re down. Jabbing somebody in the eye.

I can’t understand why Americans are so enamored of marital arts. Bruce Lee isn’t my hero.

Martial arts was developed among Asian countries as a way (supposedly) a smaller person could beat the crap out of a bigger opponent. This type of mayhem always held special appeal for Asians because of their smaller size.

I’m not saying Asians are less worthy because they’re smaller. That’s changing rapidly because today they’re eating more hamburgers from McDonald’s.

Martial arts also holds special attraction for women. The growth in the liberal, politically correct movement and feminism mirrors the growth in popularity of martial arts in this country. Supposedly, for the first time in history, women would be equal physically with men, able to defend themselves in the event of an attack.

 I’m not against women using whatever means to defend themselves.

However, I knew this gal who was taking a karate class, and she sparred with a guy in the class. She popped him a little too hard just once and he lost his cool and started beating up on her (martial arts beating). She came into work with a black eye.

I was appalled.

Another time, a guy I took to be a coward and a mediocrity, went into great detail about how he had the ability to rip my adams apple out and make me eat it, or use the base of his hand to shove my nose up through my brain.

He talked a great fight.

He then expounded at length on the need to maim or disable permanently an opponent before that opponent could offer further resistance. This is an ends-justifies-the-means kind of ruthlessness.

Is this the attitude of a courageous person?

A gentleman of the Victorian era would fight by keeping his fists up, directing all blows at his opponent above the belt. Once a knockdown was achieved, he would not take spiteful advantage by kicking his opponent while he was down. He would let his opponent regain his feet to continue the battle if he so chose.

Let your opponent get up? Are you crazy?

This conflicts with today’s yuppie-Enron-style attitude, which is, “it’s not how you win……just win at all cost. Cheat if you have to.”

I have great admiration for Asian countries, their intelligence, their work ethic, their cleanliness, their sense of honor. But there’s also a ruthless streak to some of these countries (I will not name) that I don’t like. Martial arts, a dishonest, sneaky way to fight, embodies this mean spirit.