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2002 Column Archives Last Updated: Apr 22nd, 2006 - 16:33:07


Little Lulu
By John Sammon
May 19, 2002

columnist sammon

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Spiderman is now a movie. Lines form to watch it.

Why?

This confirms that a good number of Americans are easily-entertained, childish savages. Like you give ‘em beads, it makes ‘em happy.

What’s the only comic book or cartoon character left Hollywood hasn’t made into a film? Little Lulu. Little Lulu, with the pigtails, a female Dennis the Menace.

Rosie O’Donnell could play Little Lulu, a precocious brat who spreads havoc.

This is the crap Hollywood offers. They don’t want to pay writers anymore to come up with ideas, so they copy comic books, or remake old cartoons into movies (the Flintstones).

Writers can be a pain in the butt. I know. Cynthia, a friend of my wife’s, wrote dialog for the TV show Falcon’s Crest.

She considered herself highly educated, an intellectual. She knew the names of all the English kings. She made $100,000 one year writing dialog for Falcon’s Crest.

Some middleman at the studio would take the script she’d written and change her dialog to his own wording (just for change’s sake and to justify his middleman position).

When the Falcon’s Crest episode came on TV, one line out of three was Cynthia’s, but she still got $100,000.

She had contempt for the 23-year-old punks in suits, the show’s producers. They knew she considered them jerks. She was laid off.

She moved to Vermont, a liberal’s paradise.

Why should Hollywood create when they can rip off?

It’s also cheaper to get a camcorder and film some dumb chick eating a plateful of worms in a survivor show. That’s called courage today, eating worms.

It should be called what it really is, stupidity.

Hey! You lazy yuppies out there, sitting on your couches, watching perverse sensationalism on TV rather than living life, watching the chick eat worms. You know what courage really is?

That’s where you don’t want to do something, or you’re afraid to, but you go ahead and sacrifice and do it anyway, because it’s for a bigger cause than your own self interest.

Eating worms because you’re so vapid and hopeless a person you’re willing to eat cow dung to achieve three minutes of fame and cheap-thrill justification that you’re alive----that’s not courage.

Thinking up something new is too much effort for the cocaine sniffers in Hollywood. Instead, they appeal to the worst in teenagers, who go to movies with their parents’ money. You show a lot of car chase scenes, glamorize gore with fake blood (never portray the destructive after-results of violence), promote nudity and vulgar language.

If criticized, scream the critics are trying to “censor” you.

Wonderful special effects. No story line! No plot! Throw it together.

If the film truly stinks……ship it!

At the Academy Awards party, or the Emmy’s, you can dress up in a tux and slap yourself on the back how great you are.

 

 

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2002 Column Archives
Columns at a Glance
Santa Hats
Bush Decides
Not a War
Fact About Alcohol
High Noon for Saddam
Pro and Cons of Abortion
It Better be Perking
The Rosy Side of Armageddon
Clint Eastwood
Coke Smart
No Change Sept 11
Infestations
Boy Issues
Baseball Cheats
China Bogey
Martial Arts
Capital Punishment
Daughter
Pledge Untrue
Policing Thought
Fact About Marijuana
Woman in the Civil War
Pro and Cons of Cloning
Little Lulu
Mothers Day
Goldwater Holiday
Female Logic
Beneath Nothing
Step Up
Another Battle
Not Laughing
Terrorize Them
Shadow Government
Next Time
Disney Correct
Pained Reunions
Love Hate
End Run
The English
Words Evolve