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Last Updated: Apr 22nd, 2006 - 16:33:07 |
2002 Column Archives
Santa Hats
What’s the deal with everybody walking around wearing Santa Claus hats?
Dec 22, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Bush Decides
The Bush Administration said they have proof of Iraq’s hiding bad weapons.The most secretive presidential administration in American history is moving forward with plans...all in our alleged best interest.
Dec 7, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Not a War
George Bush is unwittingly Charles Mansonizing this thing with Iraq, by calling it a war. Bush is building up the Sept. 11 terrorists, by giving them more fame and power than they deserve.
Dec 1, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Fact About Alcohol
Booze is more the American way. In the old days, you sidled through the saloon door and plunked your golden double eagle down on the bar. You were poured a shot. You did this out in the open, in front of the bartender and the patrons, like a man
Nov 18, 2002
2002 Column Archives
High Noon for Saddam
A regime built on fear must generate fear, and conquest to survive. It’s like a houses of cards, very brittle. All it takes is one disgrace or loss of face to come tumbling down.
Nov 11, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Pro and Cons of Abortion
Abortion is one of those issues that will be argued forever with never an answer agreed upon by competing factions. It’s a debate that manages to combine medicine, technology, morals, politics and religion all in one bitter brew..
Nov 4, 2002
2002 Column Archives
It Better be Perking
One of my more interesting acquaintances was a coffee-holic, office secretary, single, with a child, who was also a caffeine addict. All day she drank coffee, thermos-fulls of it. She was one of those driven, nervous, type-A lunatic workaholics
Oct 27, 2002
2002 Column Archives
The Rosy Side of Armageddon
How many countries have nuclear capability? Maybe 30. In ten years, there will be 60 countries with the bomb, some of them rogue states so crazy they believe Bart Simpson’s a real person.
Oct 21, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Clint Eastwood
You think you’re tough, you’re not so tough,” I said silently to myself. The theme from the Good the Bad and the Ugly resounded in my head. My words came out sounding goofy, not scary like Clints'. I wondered, who taught him to talk like that? It couldn’t be natural...
Oct 14, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Coke Smart
My phone rang. I answered it. “Iiiiz dis Meester John Samoon?” The caller asked."....
Oct 7, 2002
2002 Column Archives
No Change Sept 11
I know this will make people mad, but this sentimental slop of flag waving, and hand-wringing remembrances over Sept. 11 makes me sick. Grief is real. But many Americans are using it for their own selfish purposes----to feel good about themselves
Sep 9, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Infestations
We wanted to inform you that you have tested positive for gonorrhea and chlamydia. I paused. “Well………nobody’s perfect,” I said. “So, I had a bad day.”
Sep 3, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Boy Issues
Women love a man who is boyish, who is funny in an almost sort of feminine way. In fact, from a woman’s point of view the most desirable men not only look boyish, but would look gorgeous if you dressed them in a long wig and red satin prom dress.
Aug 19, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Baseball Cheats
Today’s baseball players have achieved fame and money way out of line to their actual importance. If you criticize, people call you jealous, and maybe I am……….but with a twist.
Aug 11, 2002
2002 Column Archives
China Bogey
How do you reason with a country that so devalues human life they use slave labor and ship the body parts of what were formerly prisoners by catalog around the world?
Aug 5, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Martial Arts
The most important ingredient to martial arts whether it’s judo, taekwondo, or karate, is of course, the ability to kick somebody’s ass.
Jul 29, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Capital Punishment
One of those endless, irresolvable arguments is capital punishment, the death penalty. The key sticking point is simple, the question of whether the death penalty deters crime.
Jul 16, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Daughter
I realized when my daughter Brenna was born, that I was really, for the first time, vulnerable. Before, I thought I was an iron man. I was a rock, an island. The only one that could hurt me was me.
Jul 8, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Pledge Untrue
As you know, the part of the Pledge of Allegiance that says “under God,” was declared by a San Francisco judge to be unconstitutional because it violates the concept of separation between church and state. However, the issue is not constitutionality. No, not at all. The pledge should be thrown out because it’s not true.
Jul 1, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Policing Thought
PBS, the Petroleum-Sponsored, Thought-Policing, Liberal Broadcast System, is promoting the gay agenda, and I don’t like it. A Public Broadcast System should be what its name implies-----public. It’s for the public, all the public. That includes me!
Jun 23, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Fact About Marijuana
Those for legalizing marijuana say it’s no different than booze, a narcotic just like liquor. And they’re partly right. Those against legalizing marijuana, say it leads to harder drugs. And that’s sort of right. It can, but it seems to me...
Jun 16, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Woman in the Civil War
A few women may actually have fought (briefly) in the Civil War. But 99.9 percent did not. The closest they came to the shooting was peripheral, nurses and spies like Belle Boyd. Most women had to bear the war in their own unique way.
Jun 2, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Pro and Cons of Cloning
Cloning might soon resurrect a wife who died of cancer, a beloved dog, or an extinct Woolly Mammoth. But one person’s pro concerning cloning, could be others’ cons.
May 26, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Little Lulu
What’s the only comic book or cartoon character left Hollywood hasn’t made into a film? Little Lulu. Little Lulu, with the pigtails, a female Dennis the Menace.
May 19, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Mothers Day
I don’t want any crazies out there to accuse me of not loving my mother. But let’s look at the facts. Mother’s Day is one day out of the year. What about the other days? I resent conformity where everyone in the country has to do it the same day, like sheep answering a dinner bell.
May 12, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Goldwater Holiday
How about a Barry Goldwater birthday-holiday? Goldwater was the lone candle in the ill-winds-1960s-era of runaway big government welfare spending and social decay who was derided by the media establishment as a dangerous hawk..
May 5, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Female Logic
My wife loses her car keys. She’s good at it. There should be official recognition, an Oscar, crediting her brand of errant genius. I know where my car keys are. On those rare occasions when I’ve lost them, I break out into a sweaty tremble with heart palpitations until they’re found.
Apr 27, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Beneath Nothing
God, I hate the cult of fame that has ruined this country. Robert Blake, an aging, over-the-hill actor who became famous for speaking on a 1970’s TV show like an ignoramus, “dat’s the name of dat tune,” is in trouble for allegedly shooting his wife. Here we go, O.J. all over again..
Apr 21, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Step Up
President Bush is instructing Israelis to behave by withdrawing troops from Palestine. He didn’t order the Palestinians to stop their suicide bombings, because Palestinians don’t take orders from Bush.
Apr 14, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Another Battle
Why is it that every time I go to get in my car, the only other person getting into their car at the same time, is the guy parked next to me.
Apr 7, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Not Laughing
Hating someone simply because they look different is in reality self-hate, born of fear. Fear needs a scapegoat. All human beings, in all colors, are susceptible.
Apr 2, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Terrorize Them
The president of Mexico is telling President Bush poor countries will commit terrorist acts against us unless we help them financially. We’ve already helped with billions in aid...Now, we’ve got to pay for what amounts to protection money. They’ll terrorize us if we don’t.
Mar 24, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Shadow Government
You know, the shadow government. The secret government that's to take over if the A-Rabs find a way to deliver one of their home-kit-built A-bombs in a suitcase to Washington.
Mar 9, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Next Time
I had a rare opportunity to tweak the nose of a liberal corporate giant, Time Magazine, without even trying, by simply reporting the politically incorrect truth.
Mar 2, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Disney Correct
I'm not against Black History Month...though in fairness, I think they should also have a white, Latino and Oriental history month. The theory behind having only a Black History Month, is that in the past, history books were only taught from the white perspective, white history.
Feb 23, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Pained Reunions
Why is it the only acquaintances I ever run into after a long absence…are people I loath.
I recently attended a Christmas party for a company, and there was my ex-brother-in-law,
I hadn't seen him in 30 years, not since he divorced my sister...
Feb 15, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Love Hate
When the Middle East war started, Abdulah, who managed a fast-food restaurant, openly rooted for the U.S. to be defeated. Not long after, he deserted Diana, who at this moment is chasing him across the country.
Feb 9, 2002
2002 Column Archives
End Run
Government is mostly run by middle-aged sharpies who've lost their youthful idealism, if ever they had any. This is the opposite of our Founding Fathers, who already had money and position, and risked it all in the Revolution (they would have been hanged if they'd lost).
Feb 3, 2002
2002 Column Archives
The English
The English are effortless in their superiority, you might say, even though their empire has shrunk. They have style, which bloody colonial Americans try as they might, will never have.
Jan 21, 2002
2002 Column Archives
Words Evolve
Everybody's familiar with a word or two that like a polliwog, has evolved into something else over the passage of time.How do these words change? Who changes them?
Jan 2, 2002
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