Should I become an exotic dancer, or use empty toilet paper rolls? A man needs a hobby. I guess I’m not well-rounded. I seldom take a vacation (never, come to think of it), and I don’t spend a whole lot of time in church, though I do not consider myself a pagan. All I do is work to pay a bill, and...

There are certain parts of the human body I just can’t figure out. For example, testicles, you know, the little round reproductive spheres men have.   Why testicles? What do they do? If you’re a woman, the best way I can describe it…it’s like having an octopus right under your male organ. These...

I have a plan to repopulate the universe in my own image. Aren’t you tired of everybody looking different and having different opinions than you, always complaining and squabbling? Aren’t you sick of it?   I know I am. I think I can remake a new universe in my own image and achieve godlike...

  How many of you out there are into unimaginative, bump-and-grind, let’s-get-it-over-with automaton-like sex, if you engage in sex at all? How many? Let me see a show of hands. Ha-ha! Just like I thought. Many of you are so hung up and inhibited that sex is something akin to changing the oil in your...