A guy comes in to buy an airline ticket from a travel agency. The travel agent starts filling out the ticket form.     Agent. “Okay, what’s your name?” Customer. “G. Youshudknow.” Agent. “Why?” Customer. “Why what?” Agent. “Why should I know?” Customer (stares). Agent. “Your...

Open Letter from Travis the Chimp              To Whom it May Concern: I am writing this letter in the hopes that future members of my species can avoid the fate that I’m sure is mine. You might be surprised that I, a lowly lowland chimpanzee, is able to write, but we are very intelligent...

They’re coming. They’re taking over. The economy is the least of your worries.        There is a gigantic swirling vortex in outer space scientists are not aware of, that is funneling alien organisms that will ultimately rob the food chain of its life giving nutrients, as well as spread impotency...

Two men who habitually engage in the mind poop of using non sequiturs have a discussion. For those of you who seldom read, a non sequitur is a remark, a nonsensical aside, that has no relation to the preceding comments made during a discussion.          I think it’s just a case that fat people...

God has little ways of hinting at you that your time on earth is running out. Little subtle ways. Tiny nuisances that say, you’ve been pretty arrogant up till now, but let me show you this. It’s just a little thing. But it will cause you to think, why? What’s happening? I know you won’t like...

A North Korean propaganda leaflet was dropped on me from out of the sky by a MIG (North Korean) jet fighter. I was manning a checkpoint at the Bridge of No Return (The Loneliest Outpost in the World it was called then), in 1972. I looked up and saw leaflets fluttering down. I caught one.       ...

It can now be revealed.          They’re taking over the world. They’re living and working among us.          The aliens of the Tranisiuc.              This is no drill. This is the real McCoy. I’m telling the world in the hope we can do something before it’s too...

I’m talking to this guy and he has a huge Adam’s apple. I can’t help it. I can’t look in his eyes. I have to watch his Adam’s apple, as it bobs up and down.              What’s up with that?          The Adam’s apple is the only part of the body directly tied to the...

Okay.          It’s that time of year again. Time for my obligatory Christmas column. I promise not to knock Christmas like I’ve done in the past, even though it’s a must-conform once a year ritual that involves a cash outlay that I can ill afford. I promise not to do that, find fault.         ...

What would I like women to change about themselves? As a group?          I’d like women to stop their incessant catty chatter, especially in the office where I, a man, have to listen to it. They go on and on and on about fantasy men they’re supposedly in love with, usually movie stars like...